Shy or Creeped-out?

Okay. It's been awhile, I know, I'm sorry!

So, let's talk about the quiet girls.

Sure, maybe some girls really are.. just..quiet!

But here is a classic scenario of the quiet, cold-shouldered girl.

You: "Hi there, my name is Ben, what is your name?"
Girl: "Kaitlin."
You: "What a pretty name. What do you do for work Kaitlin?"
Girl: "I'm an escort."
You: "What an interesting occupation! How did you get involved in escorting?"
Girl: "It kind of, fell into my lap."
You: (thinking this is a play-on joke and thinking that she might be reciprocating the flirtation) "Haha! That's good. So um.. do you come here often?"
Girl: "Yep."
You: "Oh.. that's... that's cool. Do you live around here?"
Girl: (gives you a look like you're creeping her out) "...yep..."
You: "So how d---"
Girl: "Look dude, I have a boyfriend/girlfriend."

Silence.

I don't understand sometimes how you boys think that this is still an open invitation to talk to us. We're trying to let you down nicely. We don't want to outright say, "hey, you're creeping me out, go away." Sometimes, if we seem like we are unavailable, we know that you will go away.

The solution? Unfortunately, if she gives you the cold shoulder, she's doing it for a reason. Maybe you're creepy... maybe she only likes goth guys. Maybe she is actually in love with her pet goldfish who just died a horrific drowning accident and she came to the bar to drink.

Don't get me wrong, she really might just be shy. But most of the time, I feel like you should be able to tell.

If you get this look:

She's creeped out.

If you get this look: 

She's just shy.

I honestly can't believe i have to spell it out, but there you go.

If you get Selena-ed, she's just not that into you.

Second Date Protocol

We meet again.

 

No, no literally... we meet again.

 

So, you're gunnin' for that second date huh?

 

How do you know if she's into you? How do you know if she, will, in fact, go on a second date with you?

 

Obviously, this is all based off of chemistry. Maybe you felt the chemistry and she didn't... or vice versa. Or maybe you both felt it. Either way, don't make asking for a second date more awkward than it already is.

 

At the end of the first date, throw something out there like, "I had a really great time. Maybe we can do it again sometime?" and see what her reaction is. If she smiles, giggles, whatever and says something along the lines of "yeah, I'd like that!" you're in the clear. Anything else besides a "yes, yeah, cool sounds good," you're effed.

 

So don't ask her out again at the end of the first date. Wait a couple days (perhaps like a Tuesday!) and call her to see if she has plans for the weekend.

 

Girls don't like clingy. We want to play hard-to-get... but don't wait too long, or you might miss your window of opportunity to ask her out again.

 

Trust me, you want a couple days to think about her and what she's all about before you ask her out again, and she definitely does too.

 

So even if you're on the first date, and one of the parties (either you or her) aren't feeling the other one, you can at least get to the end of the date without having that awkward, "ummmm... I don't think this would work...."

 

 

Let me know if you have any questions, but asking her out on a second date shouldn't be anything too out-of-this-world complicated.

 

And of course, if she says no....

 

She's just not that into you.

 

 

She's Not Into You - First Date Signs & Signals

Sorry it's been so long since I updated! I took a little hiatus!

So let's get down to business.

First date Etiquette and Signs of how you know that she is or isn't into you.

Let's set the stage:
You ask your lady crush out. Hey lets get dinner and we can see a movie after! Cool. Okay so it all depends on how you execute this. If you want to be a gentleman, pick her up for Pete's sake! Girls like a little old-fashioned manners! If you don't really care that much and just want to see where things go, meet her there.

Either way, open the door for her, whether she is getting in the car or you met her at the restaurant. This is just pure genius.

YOU pick the restaurant... I've said this before, girls like when the guys take the lead! You're the one taking HER out. Make an executive decision and pick. Now, I will say this... Don't pick any random restaurant. Kind of feel out what she's like... is she vegan? gluten-free? wheat-free? meataholic? asian-food fanatic? pho-reak? Make sure you don't pick a restaurant that she can't eat at. That alwayyys ruins the date!

Get the conversation going. Yeah, the "how was your day" stuff is nice, but if we're going on a first date with you, we wanna know the knitty gritty. Obviously, don't start off the conversation with, "so at what point do we have sex? You think like... first? second date?" That would be a sure way to get her to NOT date you again. Girls are NOT into talking sex as much as boys are (some are though... depends on who she is).

Start out with something a little less intense... you can even talk about the movie you are about to go see.

Example: "So I hear 'blah blah' is really good. I'm pretty stoked to see it. Have you heard anything about it yet?"

She goes, "emerged.... "   I've heard such good reviews about it! I'm glad you picked that one.

At this point, you've just opened up a range of topics to talk about. What actors are in the movie? What movie is your favorite with the actor in it? Oh, you love that movie? So do I!

See where I'm going with this?

Be open, but not too open.

Generic topics to avoid:
1. Religion
2. Politics
3. Dating history - I only wrote this one down because YOU shouldn't be the one to initiate dating history chat unless the time feels right. There is definitely a possibility that you two are hitting it off and she would be open to talking about it... but you HAVE to feel it out.
4. Sex - leave sex topics OUT of the first date convo!

Signs that she is into you:
These seem obvious now that I'm writing them out, but I guess I can never be too blunt.

1. She laughs at your stupid jokes
2. She looks you in the eye while talking with you
3. She really listens to what you have to say and follows up with questions that will generate more conversation
4. She has physical contact (i.e. touching your hand, arm, etc.)
5. She is smiling a lot!

Signs that she isn't into you:
1. She rolls her eyes at your stupid jokse
2. She can't seem to concentrate on what you're saying
3. She seems like she is going to jump out of her skin
4. She keeps looking at her phone or texting
5. She keeps getting up to go to the bathroom - this isn't because she has to pee a lot, it's because she is texting her friends/family in the bathroom stall trying to figure out how to get out of the date.

Don't fart or burp or be disgusting. Groom yourself and smell nice! Girls always love that.

But boys, and girls, if you ask that girl out on a second date and she says no, it's something you did on the first date.

And that means....

She's just not that into you...

Why You Haven't Met Her Friends.

Okay, so you've been getting to know this girl. You start dating her, you get into a relationship with her, it's all gravy.

Time goes on and you realize that she spends most of her time with you and YOUR friends. The realization goes on and you suddenly notice that you haven't met ANY of her friends.

Your mind gets the best of you. You don't know why you have gone so long without meeting the "most important people in her life."

I would first like to point out that there can be a number of reasons why she has not done so yet.

1. If you don't have mutual friends - Maybe she doesn't have too many close friends and is embarrassed about it. Maybe she likes your friends more than her friends.

2. If she is embarrassed of you- this is more likely of a reason, when you peel back the onion, why you have not met her friends.

3. Her friends are more important to her than you are - Maybe she feels that the relationship isn't going anywhere and she doesn't want to introduce you to her friends unless you're stickin around.

4. She likes "her" time alone with her friends - maybe she likes having the seperation. In this case, she loves spending time with you, but she wants your time to be your time and friends time to be friends time.

5. She's cheating on you - I know this sounds harsh, but if she is keeping her friends away from you, maybe she is hiding something.

Obviously there are a few more but these, I think, are the 5 main reasons that she would introduce you to her friends.

The only way to get out of this is if you confront her (kindly) and ask her why she hasn't introduced you yet. She will most likely come up with some kind of excuse, and that is when you need to be a little pushy. Don't yell, don't scream, but ask her kindly.

If you aren't eager to meet her friends, then don't push the issue.

If you are, and she gives you some BS excuse, she's just not that into you ;)

Proper First Date Etiquette

Yes, I'm straying away from the main topic of this blog just a little bit, but let's just roll with it eh?

Alright. *Cracks knuckles*

Where to start on first date etiquette.....

Okay listen boys, us ladies understand, and are taught, that boys are stinky, nasty and disgusting. I'm sorry, but you just are. So here are some tips (and rules) for first date etiquette.

Clean up-
For the love of God, on the first date, please take a shower and actually get ready to go OUT into the world. We spend hours and hours obsessing about our outfit, hair and make-up, making sure that it's perfect for the first date. We pick out our sexiest outfits, or at least the outfit that makes us feel the sexiest, and we go out of our way to look and smell nice for you. The least you can do is take a shower and actually put some effort into your appearance.

Why?
I'll tell you why. We judge you. No matter how much people say they don't judge each other, sub-consciously they do. So if we're going on a date with you, and you're not spiffed up and ready to go, we assume that you don't take care of yourself in general. If we assume you don't take care of yourself in general, what makes us think that you would want to take care of us?

Put your nice cap on-
Ugh! I don't know if it's just me, but the most awkward thing in the world is when a guy takes you out (even in "just-friend" situations) and he yells at the waiter/waitress about something. Even complaining about something to a waiter or waitress should be tread upon lightly! If they accidently put tomatoes on your burger, just take them off. Don't make a big deal about it. That's one of the biggest turn offs for us ladies.

Be nice to us and be nice to everyone else!

Be a classic gentleman-
This should go without saying, but hold the door open for us! Don't go in front of us and push the door just hard enough for us to get in. Be chivalrous. There is nothing we love more than a man with manners!

Pay but don't be obvious-
Most of the time, if girls are asked out, we expect you to pay. If we ask you out, we'll pay, or at least pay  half. It may sound shallow, but I'm just being truthful.

If we insist on paying half, and we say we insist, don't let us. We're just testing you.

When the waiter brings the bill, or bartender or... wherever... ask us a question to distract us and while we are answering you, slip your cash or card in there.

I'm up here....-
There is nothing more disturbing than when we catch you staring at our boobs. A sneak attack is okay every once in awhile, but for 99% of the date, we need you to focus on US, not our boobs.

Shut your phone off-
If YOU ask US out, we don't want to be bored. This means that you need to at least entertain a conversation with us, not text the entire dinner or go on Facebook. Not only is it rude, it makes us feel like you're not interested.

What would mom do?-
By this I mean, revert back to the days where you were sitting around the kitchen table and Mom always told you some basic etiquette at the dinner table. Don't put your elbows on the table, take little bites, chew with your mouth closed, say please and thank you and always be kind and courteous.

Be yourself!
I know this is overly used, but honestly there is NOTHING more annoying than you trying to put up a front for us. We want to get to know the guy that asked us out on this date, not some guy you picked up at the bar.



--
All of us girls want to believe that chivalry isn't dead, so prove it! Now go out there and have a great time!!!

How Do You Know if You're in the Friend Zone?

Ahh. The horrid question we all seem to ask ourselves - How do I know if I'm in the "friend zone"?

Let's define friend zone.
This is according to Wikipedia - source of all TRUE knowledge. ;)

Friend Zone-

In popular culture, the "friend zone" refers to a platonic relationship where one person wishes to enter into a romantic relationship while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an
undesirable situation by the lovelorn person. Once the friend zone is established, it is said to be difficult to move beyond that point in a relationship. It is generally males that talk about "being friendzoned" stating that they hate it, causing popular memes to be made about the friendzone such as "A moment of silence for our fallen brothers in the friendzone".

Trying to explain or define if you, personally, are in the friend zone is a bit tough. However, I have noted some sayings and some actions that women use when you are in the friend zone.

1. You are like an older brother to me - This is pretty much the worst thing a girl could ever say to you. Vice versa. This means that she has absolutely NO romantic feelings for you whatsoever. Getting out of this friendzone is nearly impossible.

2. She tells her parents that she thinks you're gay - Not that there is anything wrong with homosexuality, but if she thinks you're gay, you're way... way out in the friendzone.

3. She tells her friends about how awesome you are, but she doesn't date you - Self explanatory.

4. She talks about other guys to you and asks you for guy advice - If she liked you on a romantic level, she wouldn't talk about her latest crushes or infatuations. This goes with her ex-boyfriends too.

5. She doesn't offer physical touch - if your crush isn't touching your arm or hugging you... or trying to be close to you, she most likely has put you in the friend zone. Don't confuse this with things like - her putting her legs/feet on you when you're on the couch (this is a friend zone move) versus her holding your arm while you are walking somewhere, or hitting/slapping you when you make fun of her (this is NOT a friendzone move).


Now for the signs that she wants to get you OUT of the friend zone:

1. She is cuddly and lovey-dovey with you - she wants to be near you and holds your arm whenever you walk somewhere together.

When you are at the bar and you take her to get drinks, you take her hand - does she squeeze back?

When you put your arm around her, does she put hers around you?

When you hug her, does she do the whole full-frontal hug or the side hug? If it's frontal, you're in!


If you think you're stuck in the friend-zone, you most likely are. But there are so many ways to avoid it and/or get out of it.

In my experience, I've put myself in the friendzone too often with guys. In fact, I have a friend that I've kind of liked for awhile, and since I put myself in the friendzone, I'm pretty sure he doesn't look at me that way anymore. It might've worked in the beginning, maybe I was too nervous to make it obvious that I liked him, but now I'm in the friendzone, and I'm too nervous to say anything now.

If you like her, YOU need to create physical attraction for her. Every time you see her, do something different with your hair so she notices. Maybe buy a new shirt - maybe even something you wouldn't normally buy.

You need to be the one to make the initiative. Don't get all nervous. Life is all about taking chances, and if you don't try and go in for a kiss, a hug, a hand-holding session, it most likely won't happen.

Girls are afraid to be the first ones to make the move. We pretty much have it engraved within us that if a guy likes us, he will do all the beginning work.

So do it! Don't be a pussy. Get out there and take her on a DATE - and make sure she KNOWS that it's a date, not just a hang-out-sesh.

If you have a moment where a kiss feels right, just go for it. She'll let you know if it wasn't cool. Same with holding hands or hugging or cuddling. If she backs off, then you know, but if you do NOTHING, then you will never know.

Overall, being in the friendzone is pretty easy to feel out. If you don't feel like she likes you, she probably doesn't.... and that means...

She's just not that into you.

If She's Not Responding...

This is another fun one that guys just ... don't seem to understand.

From what I understand, there are multiple interpretations as to why a girl won't call. The obvious one being that she's just not that into you....

I just want to give a "think-outside-of-the-box" suggestion to the boys, and girls, out there who wonder why she's not calling back.

1. She really is busy - Maybe she doesn't have time to call you. There are a lot of girls out there who have stressful, insane jobs. It's not that she isn't thinking about you, she just doesn't have time to think about calling you. Besides, you're the one who asked her out... YOU should call her.

2. She doesn't want to seem forward - By this I mean that she is most likely waiting for YOU to make the move. She doesn't want to seem desperate or clingy by calling you. Most girls love the chase.

3. You said YOU would call or you didn't call her - Girls take everything a guy says literally. If a guy says "yeah, yeah we should get together soon, let me know if you ever want to go to dinner or something," we take this as, oh, well I should call or text (or maybe even Facebook) HIM  to make the plans - or more often than not, oh, well if he didn't set a date or plans he's not interested. If you say "yeah, yeah we should get together soon. I'll give you a call so we can go to dinner sometime," you better get your ass to dialing.

4. She is seeing/dating someone else - Along with the last entry, girls don't want to break anybody's heart. We usually try and take the easy road, even though it's not the right road, and just stop responding. If she is dating someone else, she might want to see which of you is the right pick for her, so maybe that's why she's not calling, but most likely... 9/10 times it's because she lost interest.

5. Women have "playing-hard-to-get" engraved in their DNA - if you're not trying hard enough to get her pinned down for a time to hang out, she thinks you're not interested. MAKE the effort. Make sure she knows that you want to spend time with her and that she isn't the one starting a hang-out sesh. Girls don't like being taken advantage of, even in a small way like this where she feels like she is the one who has to make all of the effort to see you.

Now, I know some of you are probably thinking, "Oh yeah but my situation is different...." "Oh yeah but what about this one time when she ...."

No.

Just stop.

If you even have to think about it, she most likely isn't into you. Just like guys, girls will make it extremely OBVIOUS that they like you.

On a sorta different note, girls will usually send a text message to their crush if they're thinking about them. This is usually after both have you made it blatently obvious that you like each other.

For example, if I was seeing someone, or semi-dating someone, or liked someone, and I texted them and said "Hey, I just heard read your FB post about unicorns and ponies and dinosaurs! I love those things too!," I'm pretty sure my guy would get the point.

But, if none of these scenarios make sense... or if you keep making up excuses as to why she's not calling you...

OH WAIT, before I conclude this entry, I HAVE to say one more thing.

If she hasn't called you in DAYS, and you guys are on your way into a relationship, THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG!!!

Say you guys have been dating a little bit, ya know, few dates here, few dates there, few hang outs with your guy, girl friends... the whole bit. The next step is to ask her to be your girlfriend right?

Then... she stops calling or texting you.

You try and find out where she is, what she's doing.... maybe her friends know.... they don't answer you either....

You're thinking all kinds of crazy shit. Maybe she lost her phone? Maybe she lost her computer? Maybe she lost her work phone? Maybe all of her electronics were eaten by the electronic gods therefore prohibiting her from calling you?

No.

She's JUST not that into you.

She's trying to ignore you. She's trying to walk away from the situation without having to walk away from the situation. She doesn't want to hurt you, but in turn hurts you more by  not returning your phone calls or texts or facebooks or tweets or whatever.

Let's take it a step further.

You finally find her, facebook her, whatever her, and you guys talk. She says that she's sorry she didn't call you back. She's been busy, or confused or... whatever.

DON'T LISTEN TO HER BULLSHIT unless it's real bullshit.

"I've been busy at work," "Sorry, things are just crazy right now," "Sorry, I'm just confused about us," "I think maybe I'm not ready for a relationship right now (http://shesjustnotthatin2you.blogspot.com/2012/07/im-not-ready-for-relationship.html),"
"Sorry, my dog peed all over my phone," "Sorry, all my things broke..."

These aren't legit excuses. If she wanted to talk to you, or get a hold of you, she would've found a way.

She's busy at work? Okay well what about after work? She can't take the 2 seconds it takes to text you or call you back?

Things are crazy right now? What's crazy and if you mean that much to her (supposedly since you're dating right?) why can't she talk to you about them?

She's confused about your relationship? Well what better way to diffuse the confusion than talking about it?

Y'all already know how I feel about "I'm not ready for a relationship"

Ahh the art of reading a woman.
Have fun ;)